And then it was 3

•October 18, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Yup that 3 years since becoming a borg and I think you will agree with me in saying its changed my life and time just slips by without realising. My poor blog has suffered but its for a good cause ūüėȬ†

Its 3 years 1 month and 2 days since I was switched on. 

My post earlier today was very random but important! The film that I’m in We Are Northern Lights is up for a Bafta, the Scottish Audience Award Bafta! Yup and we need every vote we can get. ¬†You can watch the movie online (not sure if worldwide yet?!) and I will attempt to get it on here but may need to get help. You can get to the cineworld site via the We Are Northern Lights website.¬†

Voting is open till 29th October 2013, I think. Check out the other films also though. Im thinking of going to see I am Breathing, sounds an incredible film. Vote for us though!! 


Just got carried away trying to work out how to get the film on here…without loosing what Im writing….right leave it turmeau and get on with the blog…been too loong.


written on the 3rd October 2013

Just kinda thinking about whats been happening in the past wee while.

I did Cowal Open Studio’s for the 2nd year at Guy Elders( Yorik, google it) place, he is a wood carver and green oakwood builder. Amazing place and my jewellery looks cracking there.¬†That was 4 days, Friday till Monday, fabby to talk to strangers. Always makes it easier when you are in control of whats is being talked about. Not control but you know what I mean. Lots of folk I knew came by too, which was lovely of ’em all.¬†

So Wed (2nd Oct)  was the first showing for our new Cowal Cinema Club. It was a lovely film Рoh the cinema, its gonna be great. This film was called The women on the 6th floor, French, subtitles( happy dayz!) 

Tonight was a exhibition opening at the Burgh hall. Lovely to chat (yes-chat in busy surroundings) to people I know but don’t ( don’t know how to explain this) because I’ve never been able to converse with them although they know me but I don’t know them. Its good and I’m starting to enjoy rather than being worried. A couple came to Cowal open studios and knew me from my Cornflakes exhibition. She actually said how it brought a tear to her eye and really made her think. It was such a lovely thing to say. I don’t quite know what to say when someone says something like that.


I love this cochlear implant more than I ever thought I would. I thought Id be able to hear but just hear if you get me but its changed my life and I love that. Just never imagined it would be this good. 


So Ive had my first job, what a joy that was. Cleaning it was but I dont care, someone’s gotta do it but what a great feeling getting a castle spic and span for kids to have fun and learning in. ¬†ANYONE WHO KNOWS ME WILL KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT NORMAL BEHAVIOUR!!¬†

The building, oh my friend it became. I have so many photographs of the beautiful light flowing through the windows. 

I just feel much more positive about everything. Its weird. My hubby is waiting for a hip replacement. Its a tough time. I feel good that I can actually be strong and do stuff, like using the phone. I know to a hearing person they just don’t realise how much of a barrier there is for us (deafy folk). I used to use the phone a lot. Me and my pal at art school used to chat A LOT! It was mad, then having 13 years gap has kinda shattered my confidence. Im finding my way through. The fun I can have with cold callers is limitless, heeheeheeee. ¬†Just how many times can you get one to repeat themselves after explaining that you have a cochlear implant but not till after the 3rd time of course! ¬†I feel like a new woman. There are a lot of people who have helped me on my way. Far to many to mention but no 1 was Lee, lovely Lee. Who came when my life was on the runway, ready for take-off and because of this he never got a mention in my blog.¬†


That’s Ody, Lee and the view from under the big oak tree up the fields.¬†

He asked if he could come and talk to me about my C.I. His Dad had received a cochlear implant and he was smiling again. Lee was doing his degree and asked me if I would talk to him about mine. He came with his tent on Cowal games Saturday, was late, camped at west bay with rowdy neighbours, crazy boy!

We met up the next day, instantly felt familiar and he that he wasn’t gonna kill us in our sleep and cook us for breakfast. I’m assuming he felt the same, haahaaa. The dog liked him so that was a good sign.¬†

So Hubby and me talked to Lee all weekend about my C.I and how it is  and how it was. It was a wonderful weekend. Lee opened doors for me. I told him cause he was the beginning of being brave. Thank you for asking to come and talk. Crazy how things happen when you least expect it.

Just past 3 years past this thing in my head.

Sometimes I feel the bone growing over it.







We Need Your Votes

•October 18, 2013 • Leave a Comment

We Are Northern Lights, the film im in about my Cochlear implant, is up for a bafta. I dont even know if Im managing to get this wee trailer to work?! Anyho, we need your votes so it can win a bafta. How cool is that. Im gonna give this a whirl and see if I have made it work or not.
All you have to do is go to the WRNL webpage and click on the the link to vote. You dont have to join or anything…..its just one click.

I know Ive not been about for ages but I have some ramblings to get on here VERY SOON!


•February 13, 2013 • 6 Comments


Yup this Saturday sees the WORLD PREMIER of the

We Are Northern¬†Lights¬†film….which I is in. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

My beautiful Ody dog is in it and the chooks( who sadly got munched by a pine martin on new years eve) 

Im not very good at embedding stuff etc, so check the We Are Northern Lights website or the Glasgow Film Theatre for details. It is going round Scotland and the dates are on the website. Think there is going to be a piece in the Glasgow Herald tomorrow(thursday 14th Feb)

Its the most mad thing that has ever happened to me….its gonna be so much fun. I have gathered family and friends to come along.¬†

My 15 mins of fame and I’m bloody well gonna make the most of it.¬†

This is what my cochlear implant is helping me do, how amazing is that. Who would have thought that Id ever be here in this position telling people about a film I’m in! HA

Right have to go find something to wear!!!!! 

Hope to see some of you there( if your can make it)


I might just burst with excitement.


Couldn’t¬†have done it without my wonderful¬†hubby’s¬†support and¬†encouragement. Love him.

Oh and this is Honey our new ward. She is a lovely soul and we are happy she is a part of our little family.  Image




year 2 and a bit

•October 9, 2012 • 2 Comments

2 years and a bit!!! Blimey


I need to write up some stuff thats been happening SOON….promise…again.


I just dont know were the time goes any more but thats something that I never imagined happening ever. Oh life is good. So very very different from my past times. You cant imagine! Well you can read it, at the beginning of my journey.


Ok yes, tomorrow is my 2 year checkup, map, mr dreich and then a hearing aid thing. My tinnitus is pretty rubbish, so maybe some noise stimulation in my left ear might chill it oot a bit.

Right, I will be back in a wee while to set down whats been happening in my journey lately.




The end of a chapter.

•August 14, 2012 • 3 Comments

I write this with a heavy heart.

We knew it was coming but still it does not make it easier.

My beautiful dog Ody  who has guided me for many years has finished her job  and is sleeping peacefully.

It was nearly 4 weeks ago now. She was ill and we only had a short time before the end. She was in no pain.

I miss the old girl like you would never believe.

She has been by my side for 13 years, right beside, nearly all the time.

Our house feels empty. I feel lost( so does hubby).

We celebrate her life and how the time was right, it was her time to go, she was tired.

That dog kept me going through many a dark time in my life. It was her who kept me above water.

We explored every nook and cranny of Innellan together and lay in the long grass under the warm sun, walked in the rain, played in the surf,  sat and watched the squirrel, deer and birds.

We are privileged to have had such a beautiful, intelligent and gentle animal in our lives.

No, she didnt like other dogs( long story) but she loved humans, big and small. Always looked after everyone, sleeping beside them, only ever dozing all night long. Keeping us safe.

I shed a tear in happiness thinking about her. Blimey I miss her. Miss her hairiness and big wet nose touching the back of my knee, letting me know she was there, right there.


She went to sleep….on my knee….so peacefully.




She has watched go from deaf to hearing and she knew I could hear. Her breathing was a constant noise I had just got to know. Odys life was ending just as mine is blossoming, I could not have done it without her.

She has done her job, oh so well. Now I must go forward without her.

I feel as if my shadow has vanished…slipped away.


A wonderful thing happened just after she left us. I won the best creative video from” We Are Northern Lights” ¬†film. Check it out.¬†

My winning submission is called Listen. Its a short video about my C.I sound. My beautiful girl is in it…winging. So funny. ¬†She will forever be immortalised in a movie. How cool is that!







Blimey…I’m so busy!

•June 10, 2012 • 1 Comment

Well what can I say, I could apologise for not having been on my blog for yonks but Ive been busy……being ALIVE. ¬†Which is something Im not used to. ¬†Its great to feel alive again. Its been a LONG time of hiding indoors, not speaking to anyone and feeling so departed from the world around me.

Im starting to feel more confident. Its a slow process and I have been¬†easily¬†knocked back to the beginning with fear. ¬†I know now that when¬†someone¬†speaks to me that I will¬†probably¬†hear them. Probably being the word, there is still the trying to work out accents and Im not great when there is lots of background noise. Im still using lip reading, dont expect I will ever not. ¬†Clearvoice is being used a little bit more. You still have to¬†spend¬†time explaining to people how I hear and what I hear. I somehow thought I¬†wouldn’t¬†have to do so much explaining with this thing in my head. Its so much more complex to explain about than hearing aids. Its happy explaining rather than pissed offness from hearing aids. Some people I will never hear, you forget that some folk are just quiet and no one else can hear em either.


Had a wonderful weekend with 2 cochlear implant pals. The girls came over to my place and we talked and talked and talked some more. So good to hang out with folks who you dont need to explain anything to. We had a amazing morning being C.I free and communicated wonderfully with each other. That was really great and hard for others to understand. I was sad to see em off on the ferry, the weekend just went to quick!  Will be meeting up again soon for more yaking.  Inverness here we come.


Learning about people is a whole new ball game for me. Its as much as a learning curve as getting my C.I….if not even more! It amazes me at 40 years old that¬†people¬†are the way they are. It shows me how much ¬†I have been so… insular. ¬†I am naive in the world of hearing but can tell body¬†language¬†from 100 yards.


I was very brave and signed up for a 2 day short film workshop at our local art centre, the Burgh Hall. Typically it was THE MOST AMAZING weather we had had for….years and there I was inside! ¬†The workshop was¬†fantastic, I really enjoyed myself and as much as I couldnt hear everyone all the time, I got by. I didnt feel worried or scared. If you look up We Are Northern Lights on the web you might still find it. Its going to be a film in the end. Hopefully my submission will get through but there are a lot. Will look forward to seeing the final film when it hits the big screen. I had never done video before, its fun! I would love to be able to do a ¬†film about my C.I and how it sounded¬†with¬†my H.As to how it sounds now…..Anyone interested!!

Ohhh I heard the cuckoo…..only been waiting 2 year and another 20 before that!! Everyone else seemed to be hearing them and I was getting a bit peeved that I hadnt. So one day up the top of the drive¬†awaiting¬†the fish man to come by I heard it…¬†cuckoo¬†cuckoo oh wowweeee heehee at long last. Happy me. ¬†The dog and I go for a walk over the¬†fields, I hear cuckoo again and then to my¬†amazement¬†I saw it on the power lines, I charge of to try and get a picture, it kept me at a distance and flew off¬†ever time¬†I tried to get near. I listened for a long time, oh what I great sound folks ūüôā

I HEARD the cuckoo….


I am still amazed every day when I put my C.I on that I hear so much. Its over bearing in the morning and I like to stick to the clock then after a few minutes  the radio can go on.

I havent had it in this morning while I type this, Im having ear out time.

A month or so ago I went down for another map, didnt really need it but had the appointment so¬†thought¬†should use it. ¬†I¬†shouldn’t¬†have changed my setting I was happy¬†with¬†the way they were. Ended up that they had to send me another processor a few weeks later¬†with¬†my old map on, back to happy after that. Small changes make a big difference.

I have been switched on fer 1 year and 9 months, just about. Time flies and to think 2 years ago I was so scared about the future with a cochlear implant, the op and everything. This is the best decision I have ever made in my life. I am not in limbo anymore.

The only sad part is that my dog is coming to the end of her time. She is 13 years old and has been my ears from the minute she arrived with us.  Never had any deaf dog training, she picked it up herself and spent her life by my side, guiding me.  That dog has got me through many a dark time. I will miss her more than anyone can imagine, when she goes. We know time is short, her legs dont work to well, her hearing has gone and her eyes are foggy. She is my best friend.




•March 22, 2012 • 3 Comments

Ive got a job! 

Part time, cleaning down at a beautiful place called Castle Toward. Its fab to be able to work¬†with¬†other people and ACTUALLY HEAR what they are saying rather than hiding away muttering to myself. Its scary too and I’m still getting to know how some of them talk. And them me, I have let them all know¬†I’ve¬†got a C.I. Some have even read my blog. All I can say is thank you, it means a lot to me,¬†cause¬†you can see were¬†I’m¬†coming from. ūüôā


The place is a kids outdoor centre and sadly is closing down later on this year and becoming some spa/hotel/chalets resort. Really sad. 

Its so totally cool to be able to be in that building for a few days a week. 

I never imagined the day would come that I would be doing this…its mental. Only a year and six months. Before that… well….. it was a dark time.

 Cookie bite hearing loss slowly and surely sucked the life out of me. I cannot express the incredible change that I have gone through in the past year and a half and it will be happening for a long time yet. 



I managed to post a picture of Castle Toward in another post…I cant work the new wordpress layoot!¬†

Toward Castle

•March 22, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Toward Castle

tis another strange new day…

•December 3, 2011 • 3 Comments

2nd December 2011

I know, it been a while and I will be on to update soon, she says again!!! Its all good.

So yesterday I had a tweak and I fell I need to report it. It kinda took me by surprise.

I have been switched on for about 1 year and 2 months. I have 3¬†programmes and they have not changed. I have only had my tones/pitch and my volume twiddles¬†with a wee bit. Bloody hell its mad. SOOOOO much wider, i think is the word,maybe not wider,¬†because¬†that what I felt when I had my IDR turned up to 70 from 60 on 1¬†program¬†, it more…… round, pot¬†bellied¬†. I¬†have¬†my base turned up¬†slightly¬†and my highs lowered a wee bit. I think, but¬†don’t¬†quote me on it, that it feels(sounds) more¬†natural?!

Will take a few weeks to get used to but¬†I’m¬†liking it, in a strange way.

And I¬†thought¬†it was great before…..

Its a crazy world this C.I business

It also has a great effect with social interaction. It a learning curve, for me and my husband. WE are so very used to another way of life. I could not communicate in a group of 4 now I can but I forget that my husband is still in that  mode. He cannot hear the change.  Cochlear implant is such a massive change of life,  for the positive but you have to remember that its not just you that it affects. We can hear it our partners and friends cant.

So many different aspects of it creep up over time, its mad.

I went down to the beach last week, it was cold and grey but my wee camera managed to take a beautiful picture. The sea helps me be relaxed, ebb¬†and¬†flow……..

This Advanced Bionics does seem to be getting better and better. Im very lucky it going smoothly.

I can¬†scarcely¬†believe¬†how much better it sounds after a wee¬†tweak.¬†I’m¬†well aware it could have gone the other way. Its hard to gauge noise in a soundproof room. Always have a¬†list¬†of¬†questions.

Early days but got a good feeling…


•September 25, 2011 • 4 Comments






Here is a link to my exhibition. My nephew did this video for my mum and dad as they¬†couldn’t¬†make it.

Its fabby!!!

Hope the link works?